In search of the idea
I'm going inside searching for perfect triangles
Compromise between the two contradicting axiom-likes
In one of my previous posts, I said that the following axiom-likes contradict each other and that's where the world's misery comes from fundamentally 1st axiom-like: truth is good 2nd axiom-like: love your neighbor Human history has been a compromise between those two contradicting axiom-likes (species level) Likewise, on an individual level, an individual settles for a compromise between the two (individual level) (This compromise is not something that can be done consciously) There is a "compromise point" on the continuous spectrum between the 1st axiom-like and the 2nd axiom-like (In other words, to what degree is someone comfortable / tolerant with fewer and fewer like-minded people) 1. Someone's compromise point is located at 20% the 1st axiom-like and 80% the 2nd axiom-like He leans towards the 2nd axiom-like, so that his opinions usually follow major opinions 2. Someone's compromise point is located at 80% the 1st axiom-like and 20% the 2nd axiom-like He leans towards the 1st axiom-like, so that his opinions are not always major but are still accepted by a minor group (but with a sufficient number of people) (The more the compromise point is toward the 1st axiom-like, the more difficult it becomes to find like-minded people) The latter calls the former "NPC", feeling a sense of superiority The latter thinks that he can think independently However, the latter also is not completely a free thinker, completely free from others' opinions The latter still feels a necessity for his thoughts to be validated by others, if minor A free thinker's compromise point is located at 100% the 1st axiom-like and 0% the 2nd axiom-like He needs no validation on his thoughts by others / any minor group He is okay with literally no one agreeing with his ideas A free thinker is not "natural" Because, for one, humankind as a whole is based on a compromise between the two For two, a free thinker means an absence of the 2nd axiom-like, which is, needless to say, not natural Being a free thinker is not necessarily "better" It is a different topic
The wiser you become, the greater self-doubt you encounter
It is only natural and logical Because, logically, the possibility of it being real gets slimmer proportionally to the wiseness There are few rare cases when the evidence is so solid as to outweigh the self-doubt Only a select few can get through that sonic boom
Understanding of the world
Now that I'm partially liberated from and able to see through this deceitful world, many things that made no sense to me make sense now In this world, there are things that can't be said / taught / shared (Even in any minor group) (So obvious as it may sound, it seems that almost no one lets that sink in, or integrates that fully) For what can't be said / taught / shared, you must find out on your own Like Newton or other pioneers did, roughly speaking (except that their findings could be verified and proven to be true by others) It means that it requires a genius However, Insight / understanding is not enough Creating is way beyond insight Insight requires a genius Creation requires god
Deviating rapidly
I am becoming stranger and stranger The speed is at an all time high Most of my laughs these days are bitter laughs at my old un-disillusioned self
The one and only, most fundamental thing that makes me exclusive
is a light that never goes out I inherently have Other things are just byproducts
Standing straight
is the most hardest thing when the whole world is against you, has deceived you the whole life, when literally not a single one, including ones living somewhere in the world you've never met, including ones who existed and will exist, can relate to you, therefore when you have to write and create your own world from scratch, when you have to leave the world you've known the entire life, the memories, all the once "beautiful" stuffs behind Standing straight requires god
Separation
Why do you want to rest, why are you being tired, for the hard works that your past self did? Why do you take credit and think that you deserve a rest? Why are you stressed, for the hard works that your future self will do, or suffer? Why are you jammed between the past and the future?
I live in a universe inside me
" I have a universe inside me Where I can go and spirit guides me There I can ask oh any question I get the answers if I listen I have a healing room inside me The loving healers there they feed me They make me happy with their laughter They kiss and tell me I'm their daughter " The Healing Room / Sinead O Connor
Past and Future
The older one gets, the more he is squeezed by both past and future (It is asymmetrical At first thought, it seems symmetrical, for the young have less past and more future, and the old have more past and less future However the old are crushed more by both past and future) Past haunts him more by more nostalgia, regret, remorse, missing, or things of those kinds (Simply because there are more pasts to look back) Future haunts him more by less time to live That's one misery of aging (But it doesn't apply to me)