In a spaceship to hell people are sleeping and dreaming including people who are precious to me For what should I waken them up? ... To let them face the brutal reality and not wander in a dream? What is the use of that... There's no point in awakening Cypher, is there? Keeping and burying all the sadness solely in my heart... That's enough
I were able to "create" "self-contained" reality on my own like greatest novelists created the whole new world inside their works That is godlike
that insight, good-will, and cheerfulness cannot coexist simultaneously in one person
What is true to me... Who is true to me... Mathematics never betrays Once proven to be true, it is never reversed Mathematics was, is, and will be always true to me Even after several millions of years, mathematics will be still there, without changing, still true to me True to me during my life True to me after my death unlike... ... ... Song: Soldier boy - The Shirelles Lyrics: Soldier boy Oh, my little soldier boy I'll be true to you You were my first love And you'll be my last love I will never make you blue I'll be true to you In this whole world You can love but one girl Let me be that one girl For I'll be true to you Wherever you go My heart will follow I love you so I'll be true to you Take my love with you To any port or foreign shore Darling, you must feel for sure I'll be true to you Soldier boy Oh, my little soldier boy I'll be true to you
Once, a hopeful and 'copeful' idea struck me that although humans and pets can't fully understand each other, but understand only superficially, and there are big discrepancies, they can develop intimacy / rapport Likewise... ... But the problem is, I don't like having pets (I hope you are smart enough to understand the metaphor)
*I once wrote a similar post, so it's kind of duplication That is to logout the world, refusing to live inside this fucked-up and deceptive world The world might call you coward, quitter, runaway But why bother, when the world can't "have" (word choice inspired by "The Matrix has you...") you anymore? It's just hollow cry Those who bother are like those who are willing to die for their fame or reputation after the death
After thought on my last post (title: It's a big shame) Did you notice that the examples I mentioned feel like somewhat "basic"? in that the valuation is totally up to you (subjective), those are what you can directly feel, and all that matters is how you think? Aesthetics (black color, hem length, Christopher Reeve, bottom button, haircuts) Taste (broccoli) Bodily feelings (stretching) Assessment by you (novels, movies) I didn't mention something like: "I hated vitamin D but they said it's good therefore I took, how shameful" "I used to take cold shower even though that was stressful because that's what they said to be beneficial, how shameful" Furthermore, "I hated getting a certain surgery but because that was necessary according to the doctor, I got it even though I didn't feel good about it, how shameful" "I always felt nothing wrong about smoking and my body didn't feel any negative effect, but because smoking is unhealthy according to them, I stopped smoking, how shameful" "I followed someone's advice even though I was doubtful, and the result was failure, how shameful that I didn't follow my instinct" (what if the result was successful? even if they know better than you and their advice is spot on, you can feel doubtful because you know less then them, but in this case following advice is a good thing) There are distinctions, did you notice? We don't know all things directly We don't feel the consequences of a behavior immediately if the behavior's result is shown in the distant future Therefore it is necessary that we should "rely on what others say in some cases" About what we don't know and what they know better than us It sounds so obvious but as I mentioned, I (and probably you) relied so much on others even when how I valuate is all that matters and what others say does not matter at all That was the whole point of my detailed examples Many "alphas" ("jocks", Donald Trump, Steve Jobs) valuate on their own and tend not to rely on others' opinion, compared to most people But at the same time, they sometimes make mistakes in that they don't listen to others when it's necessary Born-to-be-alpha would not listen (but in rare cases alphas like Trump know when to listen and when not to listen) Born-to-be-beta would listen so carefully Let me repeat again: The whole point of my last post is, "I've relied (we rely) on others' opinion so embarrassingly much unknowingly, even though I always knew (we know) theoretically that it's important to distinguish when to listen and when not to listen" But, the main point that I want to emphasize in this post is, "In some cases, it's actually hard to draw a line" More specifically, there are many cases we don't know whether we know better than them or not, about a certain thing For example, let's say I personally feel a certain posture to be comfortable and good but they say it's a bad posture that would result in bad implications What should I do? Should I follow my instinct because bodily feeling is what belongs to me and what I can feel directly? There are also possibilities that what they say will turn out to be wrong But think about this case: many people like sugary foods and they like them instinctively, but probably those foods are not healthy We believe that sugary foods are outright unhealthy because "there seems to be a world-wide consensus about that topic" But how much should we believe that 'consensus'? As I've written several times, the world has so many deceptions There are many so-called consensus that sometimes turn out to be false as time passes, and some false consensus that only insightful people can see through Therefore, "In some cases, it's actually hard to draw a line" But it's so important to draw the line as well as possible Because, think about the examples when I listened to others when I should not, it's so shameful and absurd and think about examples when alphas didn't listened to others: Stubborn resistance to modern medicine led to death, it's so ridiculous Not obvious cases are the same: it would be shameful in proportion to the degree that you listen to others when you should not, and it would be ridiculous in proportion to the degree that you don't listen to others when you should Yes, it's very complex, we should restlessly try to draw better lines (or, all is cope anyway so don't bother) That's something to think about, successively to and in connection with the last post
It's a big shame that I haven't fully trusted my own assessment or valuation When I heard "black color is overrated" (in fashion), I started to doubt myself and slightly regret my color choice for my gloves How shameful I searched what centimeter is "best" for trouser hem (4cm? 5cm? 6cm?) even though there were trousers before my eyes and could see how each option would look like How shameful When an idea struck me that Christopher Reeve was the most handsome guy, I started to search whether there were others who agreed with me Essentially speaking, I was begging for validation How shameful When people called movie The Godfather or A Clockwork Orange masterpieces, I thought alike even though I couldn't fully understand why How shameful When people called Don Quixote the greatest novel, I read and convinced myself alike How shameful When they said to unbutton the bottom button, I followed without second thought and felt "I learned something basic / commonsense" (in the sense of "unquestionable") How shameful When they said broccoli is healthy but not tasty, even though I liked its taste, I started to feel as if eating broccoli takes me some effort or willpower How shameful When they said this and that haircuts were looking good, even though I felt that those are not my things, I tried to follow their advice Even though I have eyes and can see my looks in the mirror! How shameful! Even though I could feel myself what bodily movement makes my body well-stretched and feel good, I didn't do that because that's what others didn't give that stretching a 'name' (e.g. the exact movement was not mentioned by others). I always did stretches that others recommended How shameful Exactly the opposite to the above as it may sound, but in my life, I've been more of a person who has minor and independent opinions, being proud of it I bet that I'm influenced by others much less than most people (Most of my life's major decisions have been against major opinions) Even though that's the case, Even though I felt okay about being against major opinions in my whole life, looking back now, I realize that I also have been influenced a lot, despite the degree being much less than others, but to the degree enough to humiliate me Moreover, I feel like, in many cases I've continually sought validation from so-called minorities that are still big enough, that I consider to be more insightful and have better taste How shameful Before long, babies are going to learn how to walk by watching 'how to walk' video
That is, inherent contradiction between "love your neighbor" and "truth is good" For humans, both are almost 'axioms' Human history has been based / established on them Without 'love your neighbor': Species can't cooperate, therefore they are doomed to be extinct Without 'truth is good': Logical thinking, advancement are hindered, and humans couldn't have survived this long Therefore, both are absolute necessities for mankind, in an evolutionary or historical perspective Mankind can't give up either of them But, as you might have guessed by now, the two axioms contradict each other, unlike mathematical axioms This contradiction is the most fundamental cause for this miserable world (Think about what a mathematician said: "If I'm allowed to assume any false proposition to be true, I can prove any true proposition to be false and vice versa") I, even now, can't confidently decide which one to choose over the other, assuming that I can choose (because I have no say and I'm already in the path of truth) If I choose truth, I'm virtually living this life as a single player with NPCs Then, what's the use of truth? If I choose love, I'm living this life as an animal (dog / pig / lemming) with all the absurdity and no morality, stopping to think with eyes wide shut Do I want to be a disgusting, retarded, ill-willed, vicious, immoral, lazy NPC? The best scenario is not to realize the contradiction in the first place (Note that whole species' standpoint and an individual's standpoint are different, and I omitted that part. Think for yourself) After thought: As I think now, truth is precedent to love Truth is the more basic axiom Truth is individual Love is species' (By the way, keep in mind that the meaning of love is very broad (in the context of "love your neighbor" in Bible)) But that doesn't mean you should choose truth over love Because, even the most basic axiom 'truth is good' itself is not true Seeking truth means giving up love Choosing love means giving up seeking truth The two can't be achieved "fully" simultaneously But denying the value of seeking truth doesn't mean choosing love So when I said truth is overrated in another post, I didn't necessarily mean that I wanted to choose love I described waking up in a sewer pipe as a metaphor for knowing truth So, trying to go to sleep is not directly related to choosing love As I think now, it's more abstract and vague because it's more encompassing / general but I might have had to write that the most fundamental reason for this miserable world is that "truth is good" is not true
More and more, people become NPCs They have the same thoughts, opinions, hobbies, etc. I was kind of mildly shocked when I read a story (just a short anecdote in comment section) and its comments on the internet The story was just about a Korean doctor married to a South East Asian woman (no more description about her) All the comments were guesses about how beautiful or how rich the woman would be Yes, no one cares about personality any more It seemed like they were basically saying that it is absolutely impossible that she married him if she is not beautiful or rich Now it's all about looks and money (or status) But now it makes sense to me because maybe those are the only noticeable differences in today's world which is full of NPCs